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"Storm" by Tim Minchin

8/28/2015

 
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​"Storm" is a beat-poem by renowned comedian Tim Minchin. Recognised as a profound modern literary work, it discusses the challenges of defending knowledge, reasoning, and logic in our times. 

​TEACHER'S DISCRETION ADVISED, SOME USE OF STRONG LANGUAGE
“Science adjusts it's beliefs based on what's observed. Faith is the denial of observation so that belief can be preserved.” - Tim Minchin, "Storm"
Inner North London, top floor flat 
All white walls, white carpet, white cat  
Rice paper partitions 
Modern art and ambition   
The host's a physician 
Lovely bloke, has his own practice 
His girlfriend's an actress 
An old mate from home 
And they're always great fun 
So to dinner we've come. 

The fifth guest is an unknown 
The hosts have just thrown 
Us together for a favour 
because this girl's just arrived from Australia 
And has moved to North London 
And she's the sister of someone 
Or has some connection.

As we make introductions 
I'm struck by her beauty 
She's irrefutably fair 
With dark eyes and dark hair 
But as she sits I admit I'm a little bit wary 
because I notice the tip of the wing of a fairy 
Tattooed on that popular area 
Just above the derrière 
And when she says "“I'm Sagittarian"” 
I confess a pigeonhole starts to form 
And is immediately filled with pigeon 
When she says her name is Storm.

Chatter is initially bright and light hearted 
But it's not long before Storm gets started: “ 
"You can't know anything, 
Knowledge is merely opinion”" 
She opines, over her Cabernet Sauvignon 
Vis a vis 
Some unhippily 
Empirical comment by me

“Not a good start” I think 
We're only on pre-dinner drinks 
And across the room, my wife 
Widens her eyes 
Silently begs me, "Be Nice!"  
A matrimonial warning 
Not worth ignoring 
So I resist the urge to ask Storm 
Whether knowledge is so loose-weave 
Of a morning 
When deciding whether to leave 
Her apartment by the front door 
Or a window on the second floor.

The food is delicious and Storm 
Whilst avoiding all meat 
Happily sits and eats 
While the good doctor, slightly pissedly 
Holds court on some anachronistic aspect of medical history 
When Storm suddenly she insists “ 
"But the human body is a mystery! 
Science just falls in a hole 
When it tries to explain the the nature of the soul.”"

My hostess throws me a glance 
She, like my wife, knows there's a chance 
That I'll be off on one of my rare, but fun rants 
But my lips are sealed. 
I just want to enjoy my meal 
And although Storm is starting to get my goat 
I have no intention of rocking the boat, 
Although it's becoming a bit of a wrestle 
Because - like her meteorological namesake 
Storm has no such concerns for our vessel:

"“Pharmaceutical companies are the enemy 
They promote drug dependency 
At the cost of the natural remedies 
That are all our bodies need 
They are immoral and driven by greed. 
Why take drugs 
When herbs can solve it? 
Why use chemicals 
When homeopathic solvents 
Can resolve it? 
It's time we all return-to-live 
With natural medical alternatives.”"

And try as hard as I like, 
A small crack appears 
In my diplomacy-dike “ 
"By definition”,"
I begin 
“"Alternative medicine”," 
I continue “ 
"Has either not been proved to work, 
Or been proved not to work. 
You know what they call “alternative medicine” 
That's been proved to work?  
Medicine.”"

“"So you don't believe In ANY 
Natural remedies?”"

"“On the contrary actually, 
Before we came to tea, 
I took a natural remedy 
Derived from the bark of a willow tree 
A painkiller that's virtually side-effect free 
It's got a weird name, 
Darling, what was it again? 
Maspirin? Baspirin? Aspirin! 
Which I paid about a buck for 
Down at my local drugstore."

The debate 
briefly abates 
As our hosts collects plates but as they return with desserts 
Storm pertly asserts,

"“Shakespeare said it first, 
There are more things in heaven and earth 
Than exist in your philosophy… 
Science is just how we're trained to look at reality, 
It can't explain love or spirituality. 
How does science explain psychics? 
Auras; the afterlife; the power of prayer?”"

I'm becoming aware 
That I'm staring 
I'm like a rabbit suddenly trapped 
In the blinding headlights of vacuous crap. 
Maybe it's the Hamlet she just misquothed 
Or the eighth glass of wine I just quaffed 
But my diplomacy dike groans 
And the arsehole held back by its stones 
Can be held back no more:

“"Look , Storm, I don't mean to bore you 
But there's no such thing as an aura. 
Reading Auras is like reading minds 
Or star-signs or tea-leaves or meridian lines 
These people aren't plying a skill, 
They are either lying or mentally ill. 
Same goes for those who claim to hear God's demands 
And Spiritual healers who think they have magic hands."

"By the way, 
Why is it OK 
For people to pretend they can talk to the dead? 
Is it not totally fucked in the head 
Lying to some crying woman whose child has died 
And telling her you're in touch with the other side? 
That's just fundamentally sick 
Do we need to clarify that there's no such thing as a psychic?"

"What, are we fucking two? 
Do we actually think that Horton Heard a Who? 
Do we still think that Santa brings us gifts? 
That Michael Jackson hasn't had facelifts? 
Are we still so stunned by circus tricks 
That we think that the dead would 
Wanna talk to pricks Like John Edwards?"

Storm to her credit despite my derision 
Keeps firing off clichés with startling precision 
Like a sniper using bollocks for ammunition

"“You're so sure of your position 
But you're just closed-minded I think you'll find 
Your faith in Science and Tests 
Is just as blind 
As the faith of any fundamentalist”."

“Hmm, that's a good point, let me think for a bit 
Oh wait, my mistake, it's absolute bullshit. 
"Science adjusts it's beliefs based on what's observed 
Faith is the denial of observation so that Belief can be preserved. 
If you show me 
That, say, homeopathy works, 
Then I will change my mind 
I'll spin on a fucking dime 
I'll be embarrassed as hell, 
But I will run through the streets yelling 
It's a miracle! 
Take physics and bin it! 
Water has memory! 
And while it's memory of a long lost drop of onion juice is Infinite 
It somehow forgets all the poo it's had in it!"

"You show me that it works and how it works 
And when I've recovered from the shock 
I will take a compass and carve 'Fancy That' on the side of my cock.”"

Everyone's just staring at me now, 
But I'm pretty pissed and I've dug this far down, 
So I figure, in for penny, in for a pound:

“"Life is full of mystery, yeah 
But there are answers out there 
And they won't be found 
By people sitting around 
Looking serious 
And saying isn't life mysterious? 
Let's sit here and hope 
Let's call up the fucking Pope 
Let's go watch Oprah 
Interview Deepak Chopra."

"If you're going to watch telly, you should watch Scooby Doo. 
That show was so cool because every time there's a church with a ghoul 
Or a ghost in a school 
They looked beneath the mask and what was inside? 
The fucking janitor or the dude who runs the waterslide. 
Throughout history 
Every mystery 
Ever solved has turned out to be 
Not Magic."

"Does the idea that there might be truth 
Frighten you? 
Does the idea that one afternoon 
On Wiki-fucking-pedia might enlighten you 
Frighten you? 
Does the notion that there may not be a supernatural 
So blow your hippy noodle 
That you would rather just stand in the fog 
Of your inability to Google?"

"Isn't this enough?"

"Just this world?
Just this beautiful, complex 
Wonderfully unfathomable, NATURAL world? 
How does it so fail to hold our attention 
That we have to diminish it with the invention 
Of cheap, man-made Myths and Monsters? 
If you're so into Shakespeare 
Lend me your ear: “  
To gild refined gold, to paint the lily, 
To throw perfume on the violet… is just fucking silly” 
Or something like that. 
Or what about Satchmo?! 
I see trees of Green, Red roses too,  
And fine, if you wish to 
Glorify Krishna and Vishnu 
In a post-colonial, condescending 
Bottled-up and labeled kind of way 
Then whatever, that's ok. 
But here's what gives me a hard-on: 
I am a tiny, insignificant, ignorant lump of carbon. 
I have one life, and it is short 
And unimportant… 
But thanks to recent scientific advances I get to live twice as long   
As my great great great great uncleses and auntses. 
Twice as long to live this life of mine 
Twice as long to love this wife of mine 
Twice as many years of friends and wine 
Of sharing curries and getting shitty 
With good-looking hippies 
With fairies on their spines 
And butterflies on their titties."

"And if perchance I have offended 
Think but this and all is mended: 
We'd as well be 10 minutes back in time 
For all the chance you'll change your mind."
  Ponder this

Could you explain Storm's hostility towards science?

​Are "mysteries" necessary? Should they be preserved, or should we seek to explain everything in nature?
  Discuss

​Excluding recent examples of magic coconuts and exorcism kits, can you name a few other Malaysian superstitions that Storm might believe in? Why would she believe in them? Why shouldn't she?
  Further readings

​Tim Minchin, at Wikipedia
​
"The natural, the supernatural, and the nature of science", by Paul Braterman at Scientia Salon

​God of the gaps, at RationalWiki
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